Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism

Let’s be honest: for so many reasons, women are often our own harshest critics…

I see it all the time in the clients I coach and I’ve felt it in my own life, too. That soundtrack in our head that whispers “you’re not enough…you should be doing more…why can’t you figure this out?” can feel relentless and defeating beyond words.

And in midlife, when so much about our bodies, health and energy is changing - that inner critic tends to grow louder and louder with every passing day. One of the biggest triggers for self-criticism I see in midlife is around body image and health changes. We compare ourselves to who we used to be and we make that mean something negative. But our bodies are meant to evolve. Change is part of the human experience; not something to punish ourselves for.

Here’s the truth: beating ourselves up is not the path to strength, health, or happiness. In fact, it keeps us stuck. And if we want to feel well from the inside out, we have to start with how we speak to ourselves.

I truly believe that decades of cultural conditioning have taught women to measure up to impossible standards. Whether that’s how our bodies look, how productive we are, how we parent or how much we accomplish in a day. We’ve been told what “healthy” should look like, what “success” should be and what kind of women we’re “supposed” to become.

No wonder we end up in a cycle of self-criticism when we can’t meet those unrealistic expectations.

So how do we stop the spiral when we find ourselves tearing ourselves down?

Here are three powerful practices you can start using today:

1. Pause and Name It
   When you notice yourself being cruel or critical, stop and say: “I’m being hard on myself right now.” Then ask: Why? Is it an unrealistic expectation? An old story you’re still carrying? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.

2. Ask: Would I Say This to a Friend?
   Most of the things we say in our own heads are words we would never say to someone we love. Imagine saying it to a friend and notice how wrong it feels. Then, flip the script and offer yourself the same kindness and grace you’d freely give someone else.

3. Come Back to Your Truth
   Not every thought we think is true. In fact, so many of the stories we tell ourselves about not being enough, being behind or being broken are LIES. Remind yourself: I’m human. I’m growing. I’m learning. I’m exactly where I need to be.
   

When the inner critic feels loud, grounding yourself in your body can help calm your nervous system.

For me, that often looks like breathwork and walks outside. For you, it might be journaling, yoga, music or simply lying down with your hands over your heart. Whatever practice helps you reconnect to your body, use it to quiet the noise in your mind and return to presence.

So the next time you hear that critical voice, try this instead:

• Pause and name what’s happening.

• Ask if you’d say those words to a friend.

• Remind yourself of the truth about who you are.

Because the truth is this: You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not less than.
You are human. You are evolving. You are worthy of love, compassion, and care - especially from yourself!